These days in Nashville, everyone is all about the Enneagram personality test. The Enneagram is a geometric map that outlines nine personality types. You can learn more about it and take a free test here. I’m partially a Nine. Nines are the peacemakers, who can see the value in all options. In a related story, never ask me where I want to eat dinner or get coffee. Every option will be just fine with me.
In addition to loving options, I am creative at my core, which is personality type Four on the Enneagram. I know I’m creative because, well, I make music for a living, but also because I always long for more. I always want to be somewhere else. Fours have the sense there’s something they want that they can’t quite grasp or put into words.
What Is It You Want?
The challenge of being both a Four and a Nine is that I tend to be very busy, but unfocused. There are lots of things I want to do and try all the time. Several years ago, when I was in a season of doing everything – teaching songwriting at a local university, leading worship at a church, writing, and traveling for shows – a friend with wonderful business intuition sat me down and said, “Ginny, what is it you want?” At the time, I was too busy to ask for – or hear – an answer.
Since then, I’ve narrowed the scope of my work to writing and touring. With this still hectic schedule, I’ve learned that in order to be productive, I have to stop and ask myself what I want, every day. If I don’t, I won’t take steps to get it done. I’ll answer a thousand texts and emails and run around like a chicken with my head cut off (what a gross expression), but I won’t move toward what I really want to accomplish in my music, my writing, and my personal life.
The other day I was reading in Luke about the time Jesus asked a man who made his living as a beggar what he wanted. This guy, Bartimaeus, had been blind his entire life, and the only way he could make money in his day was to ask others to share theirs. When he heard Jesus was passing by, he kept calling out, “Son of David, have mercy on me!” (Luke 18:38-39) “What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asked him. (Luke 18:41) Bartimaeus had no problem answering this question. He wanted to see. It would change everything for him. And he believed that if he asked Jesus to grant his deepest, most personal request, He would.
The Power of the Question
I’ve often heard people say that God asks us questions for our benefit, not His. When Jesus asks what Bartimaeus wants from Him, I hear deeper questions, as well: “What do you believe about me?” and “Are you really ready for me to change things?” The implications reverberate in my mind: “Ginny, what do you want me to do for you? Ask and believe. I’m waiting here to answer.”
I’ve decided this is a great question to reflect on every day. It reminds me that Jesus wants to bring change to my life. He’s not an aloof, distant God. He’s walking with me, waiting for me to tell Him all I think and dream about, and when and how I’m struggling. We are not alone in our quest to sort out our needs and desires – Jesus is here to bring clarity. Hearing this question also opens my heart to any circumstance God allows, even if it’s not what I hoped for. His ultimate desire is to heal and bring wholeness, whether now or in eternity, and He waits eagerly for us to say, like Bartimaeus, “Lord, I want to see.” (Luke 18:41)