No Need For Need?

Welcome to Sunday at the GO Blog. since it’s the first day of the week, and, of course, the day when most of us get to rest and regroup before being launched, once again, into Monday, I thought it’d be a good day to adopt as our “Day of Reflection.” Besides, it usually takes me at least a week of contemplation to assimilate and articulate my thoughts, so if I begin thinking again on Monday, I’ll hopefully have something to share by the following Sunday.

Today’s reflection has been on my heart for months, and trying to put it into words has proved to be no easy task. So I pose it to you in the form of a question: “How much do you need?”

(I could have said “how well do you need,” or “how often are you aware of your need,” but those questions, though more precise, don’t have nearly the same ring.)

I, for one, have despised the idea of “need” since I can remember. To have a need is to appear weak, useless, and insignificant…or at least, that’s what I thought.

That’s what we’re taught, right? Most of us are quite familiar with the verse “it is better to give than to receive,” and most of us live our lives with this in mind. We give of our time, our talents, and our resources, without asking for anything in return. We do this because it seems right… and, let’s face it, at the end of the day, we feel much better about ourselves. Our ability to give without a need to receive anything in return means we’re strong, empowered individuals, capable of handling our own lives while also competently juggling the needs and demands of those around us. Look at us go!

I come from a long line of strong, bold, empowered, courageous women who work hard, sacrifice for the needs of others, and seemingly need very little for themselves. I also grew up in a world where it was better to pretend to know everything than to ever have to ask for help. (Didn’t we all?)

So it didn’t take long for me to figure out that being blind was a terrible weakness. It forced me to wear a “I NEED YOUR HELP” sign, automatically qualifying me for such honors as the “bless her poor little heart” murmurs, and the “Hi there, Ginny” good-deed-for-the-day shouts.

Up until a few short years ago, I lived every day of my life embarrassed and angry because of that invisible sign which told people that I “need.” Although I’m not so embarrassed now, I still have the same needs. I cannot drive myself to the grocery store or pick out the cutest outfit or wink at the hottest guy. Someone has to help me with all of those things—at least on some level.  Worst of all, I cannot change the fact that when I walk into a room, I’m labeled by most people as a person who will “need” more than anyone else.

“Yeah, yeah, Ginny, we’ve heard this all before. You became very introverted because of mean people pointing out your weaknesses, and then you had an awakening and started to write songs about beauty and freedom and God’s love. Turns out those people did some good in your life after all.”

Well, since awakenings are a continual thing, this story relates to some newer ones not yet written about in a bio.  Besides, the point is different. Part of becoming who we are created to be is opening ourselves to others—giving not only of our talents and stuff, but also of our souls—including, but not limited to, our love, our personal stories, and our needs. To need is not a sign of weakness, but is instead a sign of honesty, humility, and yes—even normalcy. (It’s true! Even I have one “normal” quality.)

We are all vulnerable, and we all have needs. Pretending that we don’t simply makes us appear untouchable and very challenging to relate to. And if we pretend that we don’t need anything from anyone for long enough, we’ll begin to believe it ourselves. Our hearts will become hard and cold, as we look down upon those foolish creatures who “just can’t get it together.”

And how did I arrive at these conclusions? Well, that’s for future entries. But this blog is not about me at all, actually. For the past six months, I’ve been walking through cancer treatment with my Mom. We’ve been through a chemo sandwich with surgery in the middle, and tomorrow she begins radiation treatment. Because of the love, prayers, and support of friends and family, the treatments and surgery have been successful.

But I thought that my ability to need was bad—till I moved in with my Mom. She’s the strongest, most independent woman on the planet—(besides my grandmothers and my aunts, of course)—and she has had no use for needing. Her past led her to believe that to need is to be weak. And to be weak is humiliating, especially when you’ve got lots of strength, courage, and independence in your bones.

During this journey, we’ve both learned much about the disarming beauty of needing others. It’s called community. It’s the way God created us to live. The kindness that our communities of friends have shown to us during this time has been humbling. I am continually reminded that life is a much more fulfilling and enlightening journey when we allow others to see us without our super-hero capes on and help us with our challenges. Mom doesn’t enjoy shedding her cape quite as much as I do, but she’s learning to like it better, I think.  I know that having a need—and watching that need be tangibly met—has been a life-changing experience for both of us.

Allow yourself to have this same experience. Need. Admit it. Embrace it. Allow others to fulfill it. Ask God to use it to change your life.